Making friends in adulthood

Now that the evenings are drawing in, we Brits tend to retreat to our homes, escaping the dark, wind and rain and finding comfort in cosying up inside.  Such hibernation is all well and good but not so great if you’re up for getting out there and making friends!

Did you know that due to the pandemic and the rise of working from home, young adults are finding it harder to make friends?  We think of making friends as a childhood occupation but in reality, we do it throughout our lives, at all the different stages. If opportunities to connect with others, such as going to work, after work socialising and even the commute where you chat to the same person on the train every day, are removed, then people need to work that little bit harder to make friends and may be stuck for inspo.  Here are some ideas for shaking up your social life and helping you to make quality connections for winter nights, summer days and beyond …

Work

Co-work.  We know it’s predictable of us to say this, but we see relationships being built and friendships being made every day at our office spaces in Tunbridge Wells.  It helps if you co-work regularly and even better if it’s the same day each week/month as you’ll see the same faces.  The friendly but focussed atmosphere in our offices is great for breaking the tedium of working from home and the kitchen provides those ‘water cooler’ moments.

We host social evenings such as going to pub quizzes and we have lunch time runs for those who want to stretch their legs and rest their brains.  We really try to create a typical office environment in many ways so that Tribe members can build professional relationships, feel that sense of friendship that’s lacking when working up in the attic and, well, belong.

You could, of course, invite your colleagues to come to co-work with you.  If you’re all working from home but really miss the banter, invite them to OfficeTribe to recreate the office feel and then have after work drinks.  As you know, Tunbridge Wells is teeming with restaurants and bars so it’s the perfect spot.

Spare time

Say yes – simple as that!  Say yes to anything you’re invited to (within reason, of course!) – dinner, dancing, karaoke even if you hate it, immersive theatre, normal theatre, trying a new sport, starting a new hobby, going on a retreat.  If it’s within your means, then do it!  And if you haven’t read ‘Yes Man’ by Danny Wallace then we highly recommend – it’s inspiring and very funny.

Start a new hobby and join a group – this might sound a little ‘Third Age’ but it’s definitely a route into making friends.  Maybe you’ve always wanted to try creative writing, be able to run further than round the block or play in an orchestra – a group of people who like the same the things as you is a good start to building friendships.

Establish your own group – if you can’t find what you’re looking for online or in your local community, start it yourself!  Maybe you’re bored of brunching alone; perhaps you’re sick of keeping your love of manga to yourself; no ultimate frisbee team but it’s your favourite thing?  Start one!  It isn’t difficult to start your own anything – maybe create a social media post or put up an old skool poster in your local area and see who comes along!

Volunteering gives you purpose and an altruistic reason to step out of the front door.  There are so many charities that are crying out for people to help.  Find one that suits your interests and you’re sure to meet other people who share that passion.  And you’re being a good egg at the same time.

Loneliness

It’s all well and good talking about ways to make friends but there could be a bigger issue at large – loneliness.  You don’t have to be alone to experience loneliness which the mental health charity Mind describes as, ‘the feeling we get when our need for rewarding social contact and relationships is not met.’  Even before covid, The Guardian reported a loneliness epidemic and that has only been exacerbated by the pandemic. 

Loneliness in itself isn’t deemed a mental health issue but it could be linked to many.  Social phobia or social anxiety can lead to loneliness which is why it may be difficult to turn up to a running group for the first time.

If you are feeling lonely, it’s recommended that you do some work on yourself before venturing out to make friends: build your confidence and self-belief.  What do you like about yourself?  What are you good at? Rather than reject things about yourself that you don’t like, can you learn to accept them as they are and understand that they don’t necessarily define you?  Building confidence often comes from stepping out of your comfort zone so don’t spend too long on this part – at some point, just get out there and remember all the great things about you.

Manage your friend expectations

Strong friendships don’t happen overnight – they take work, they go through ups and downs, contact and distance depending on lifestyle so don’t expect a BFF after one cup of coffee!  Also, try not to be bothered if your friendship date didn’t work out or if there are some people in your new running club that you don’t like – that’s life! 

But, above all else, do keep trying.  We make friends throughout our lives and it’s a muscle that needs exercising every now and again, even if we think we have all the friends we need!

 Love this quote from Oprah:

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”