How do i talk to my child about the news?
Russell joined the tribe just recently with his company Thriving Teen which is a fanatstic talking therapy for kids also offering support for parents. He has written a great blog post on how to talk to our children about the news.
https://www.thrivingteen.co.uk...
We need to start talking about nuclear war - The Times, 8th March 2022
Putin wipes out entire Ukrainian city of Volnovakha - Express, 13th March 2022
Putin has already deployed a chemical weapon. In Salisbury - The Guardian, 13th March 2022
As I write this in March 2022, Russia has invaded Ukraine, and, for the past three weeks, headlines have been dominated by distressing news of attacks on civilians and images of ordinary families huddled in basements. Few children will have been able to escape hearing of these horrific events, and many will be feeling anxious, wondering if something like this could happen in the UK. By the time they reach their teenage years, young people may also be feeling a sense of responsibility for such events, coupled with a sense of inadequacy or failure if they don’t know how to help.
Of course, many adults are feeling similar things. But those of us who remember when Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria were front page news are more likely to have a sense that the acute stage of the conflict will end and that we will remain safe on our island. Adults also tend to have better practised coping mechanisms or defences, whether these are realistic and helpful, like being able to put today’s news out of our mind and focus on actions we can take to help, or immature and destructive, like dehumanising the people most affected.
Children and young people need the support of adults around them to manage anxiety and develop healthy defences. If you’re wondering how to talk to your child about the conflict in Ukraine or any other worrying story in the news, below are some thoughts, written with children aged 11 to 16 in mind, that might be helpful.
1. Make time to talk
“I hear you're really worried about that, and I want to make sure there's time to answer any questions you have - why don't we sit down this evening and think about it together?”
When the world seems uncertain and frightening, kids need more than ever to know that their home life is structured and predictable. Don't try to have this conversation during the school run, when you have other things on your mind. Mentally commit at least half an hour to addressing your child's concerns (though it might not take this long). If you run out of time, make it clear this is a subject you're happy to return to.
2. Validate first, reassure late
“I’m not surprised you’re feeling anxious about the news. It feels really unpredictable and no one is quite sure what’s going to happen.”
Does the idea of saying that feel strange? It's natural to want to protect our children from distress, but we can only do that for so long. Teens in particular will begin to seek information from outside their family, and they need to know that if they have any concerns they can bring these back to parents and talk about them.
Children need us to hear, validate and be able to contain their anxiety, not make it go away. The concept of containment is an important one in child psychology and means making overwhelming feelings manageable by transforming them into something that can be named and thought about. Research has also shown that simply having someone recognize and give voice to our feelings can have a calming effect.
When you see signs of anxiety in your child, don’t ignore then. Name the feeling and let them know this makes sense.
3. Support their curiosity
“I’m not sure why this is happening either. Why don’t we see if we can find out more about it?”
Support your child in finding reputable age-appropriate news sources, and steer them away from “doom-scrolling” through the latest atrocities on social media. The right information can provide the context young people often lack, helping them to feel safer.
Sit down with your child and help them find out about the events they are worried about. Help them to think critically about the news and where it comes from. There are several news publication and websites designed for young people, many of them repackaging information from well-known sources in a more digestible format.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround
For older kids and teens, “slow journalism” outlets, which focus on long-term context and analysis, may also be appropriate.
https://www.tortoisemedia.com/
https://www.slow-journalism.com/
Of course, if you’re concerned that your child is spending unhelpful amounts of time exposed to online news, you could consider introducing screen time limits. Talk to them about this and make it clear that you're putting in place a boundary out of concern for their wellbeing.
4. Find some positive action
“These feelings can be a sign that we want to help. Why don’t we see if we have any clothes we could donate?”
Helplessness and despair are understandable responses to the current conflict, but these are also feelings associated with longer-term anxiety and low mood. Once you have validated these feelings, help your child to counter them by redirecting this energy to positive actions to help, however small.
As I write, thousands of UK citizens have offered their homes to refugees from Ukraine and are awaiting details of visas set to be granted by the government. Of course, for many people this will be unrealistic, and so donations of money or food, clothes and other essentials may be more appropriate.
Helpful ways of managing feelings need not be charitable. You might write a letter to your local MP expressing concern, write a poem about the worries or create an artwork together. Whatever you think is feasible, let your child have an active hand in researching and agreeing what to do.
5. Check in frequently
“I remember you were really worried about the news last week, and I wanted to check in and find out how you’re doing now. Is it still on your mind?”
As parents, it’s natural to want our child’s difficult feelings to pass as quickly as possible. The danger is that this desire can turn into avoidance, subtly reinforcing their sense that certain things cannot be spoken about or acknowledged.
Once you’ve started a dialogue about the worry and anxiety your child is experiencing, keep this channel of communication open. Show your willingness to return the subject, and let them know you’ll be doing this. Remember that you won’t do any harm by asking about previous worries. Far from it. Asking communicates that they have been kept in mind by an adult, and this in itself will be reassuring.
Parents are best placed to help children manage their worry about the news. However, if you think that your child may be experiencing more than transitory anxiety and that this is beginning to affect their ability to engage in daily life, consider consulting their GP or a mental health professional. You can find out more about anxiety in children on the NHS website.